remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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