I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
