uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
