I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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