How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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