He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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