This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
