I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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