make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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