I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize