I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's the barista slut.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
