erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
