well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
