Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
