He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
