i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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