ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
