Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
