i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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