oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
