That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
