Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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