So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
