Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
