Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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