My room smells like vodka and shame
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Of course I have a pirate flag
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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