yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
