The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
