I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
