I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
