Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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