I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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