just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
