The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They are going to name an STD after you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
