hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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