things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
