You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
