and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
