We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
