dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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