bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
