Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
