Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
