i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
