apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
tonight lets celebrate not being married
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
