Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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