Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
