Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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