I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
