insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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