Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
