I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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