My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
