it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
