you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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