Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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