I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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