It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
