I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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