my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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