I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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