Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
