My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
