It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
