Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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