There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
