The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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