I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
