Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
ttyl tear gas
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
