Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
